Welcome to the new column aptly named after the book…those of you that have read Practical Changes…8 Ways to Rejuvenate Your Life  know my ‘straight forward’ approach to writing, speaking and living and for those of you that haven’t read the book, you will soon get used to it.  Moving right along…

Here’s a quick update from book release to present:

Still single, still a mom-yes

Still a size 4- yes

Still working out- yes

Loving working out-NO

Still working out so I don’t become a fat slob- yes

Still a Starbucks junkie—yes, yes, yes

Okay, so on to the chocolate cheesecake slice I ate today at Barnes and Noble…ever had one of those days when everything seems to be too much trouble and you feel like slapping people just for looking at you?  Well that was today for me, hence the cheesecake slice.  It was really good (in case you were wondering).  Did it solve my attitude issues, not really.  Did I achieve temporary euphoria, well, for about 2 minutes until the cheesecake was gone.  Then reality set back in as it usually does when we are trying to use something (like food or alcohol) to avoid it.

Funny thing about reality—wherever we go, there it is. 

The purpose of the cheesecake revelation is to let you know that even we fitness freaks have bad days, the trick is to get over it quickly and avoid self-inflicted mental anguish.  I am not bad and wrong because I ate the cheesecake, I am simply a human being that had a crappy day and tried to solve it with chocolate.  Tomorrow I will be back at the gym and back on track…no big deal.

The mistake that people often make in their approach to being healthier is that they restrict themselves to the point of deprivation and insanity—then they ‘fall off the wagon’ beat themselves up over it, declare themselves a failure and give up on the whole program figuring, ‘what’s the use’. 

Much more helpful to ‘have a bad day’ and start over tomorrow.  Getting and staying healthy is a lifetime commitment that requires great discipline and hard work.  It never stops, there is never a time when it will be over—it is a day in and day out process that calls for making the long term goal more important than how you feel in any given moment.  You have to base things on your goals, not your feelings.  If we acted based on our feelings, nothing would ever be achieved.  Being successful is often an uncomfortable process and lots of times it looks really ugly along the way…

It is hard work to confront the behaviors in ourselves that keep us stuck—the trick is to keep on keeping on…now matter how sad you are, no matter how fat you feel, no matter how hard it seems, no matter how angry you are, no matter how overwhelmed—just keep moving, you’ll get there…put one foot in front of the other and GO.

Have a slice of cheesecake on the way if you need to—just keep going…

This morning I received a phone call from a friend that had just finished reading Practical Change…this person shared with me that they had a hard time with my chapter on Forgiveness.  It occurred to me when I hung up the phone that many people in the world have a hard time with the true concept of forgiveness.  Not only do individual people have problems with forgiveness, countries have issues with it as do political parties.  Many of us feel that our anger, animosity, hatred and bad feelings are JUSTIFIED and God help anyone who tries to tell us otherwise.  Given an opportunity most people will tell you about who did them wrong in life and if you watch closely you will see in the telling of that incident the true story of their lives…

Usually in the re-telling of the bad divorce, the lost election, the abusive childhood, the business deal gone bad, the unexpected death or the ultimate betrayal, a wise person is able to see the sadness and disappointment that reside just beneath the anger.  Anger, sadness, hurt and disappointment held onto over time become vehicles for that which is against life.  The darkness in the world feeds off of these type of emotions and truly that is the only thing that gives life to the darkness.  If people could come to understand that holding onto past hurts is actually stealing their health and vitality perhaps they would learn to LET GO.

That is my working definition of forgiveness, letting go.  My coaching on forgiveness does not involve over-looking or forgetting what has happened—it involves letting it go, so that the incident no longer has any reactive power over you.  When you can maintain your inner equilibrium no matter what befalls you, you will have achieved a level of mastery unknown to most.  You cannot control the behaviors and actions of others; however you can control your reaction to them.  You can decide to be hurt or offended or you can decide not to be—the choice is always yours.  People are doing the best they can for who they are in the moment and mostly they are not even conscious of how their actions affect others—people are pretty self-absorbed.

I suspect that the average person fails to understand the cost of holding onto anger and animosity.  The cost is not just an individual one—not only does holding onto yucky stuff kill your health and vitality it also doesn’t help the collective consciousness of the world.  Don’t be foolish enough to think that the fight you are having with your brother has no effect on what is happening in Iraq or in Israel…energy is collective.  Your hatred of your business partner or the guy who cut you off on the highway or the opposing political party goes forth into the ethers as energy…in this case BAD ENERGY.  Your nasty attitude is not only effecting you, it is effecting all of us….so QUIT IT!

I’m not suggesting that we all run around wearing orange robes giving out flowers—I am, however, suggesting that we all (myself included) begin to take a deeper look at what anger and animosity we might be holding onto and how that is affecting our quality of life.  It is easy to see what righteous anger and hatred is costing other countries (as people are literally dying to be right)—is it as easy to see what it is costing us as individuals?

Being angry takes up a lot of time and energy, it also affects your health and state of mind…

So next time you are feeling really hot under the collar and your blood pressure is rising—ask yourself –is it really worth it?

It has occurred to me lately that there are times in life when it is appropriate to ‘Stand Down’.  The Military defines ‘Stand Down’ as the movement of soldiers in combat to a safe place for rest and recovery.  It is also a method used by the Military to correct an issue that has been identified as a problem throughout its ranks. 

American Heritage Dictionary defines ‘Stand Down’ as: to withdraw, to end a state of readiness.

Have you ever fought for something so hard only to have it keep whacking you in the face over and over again with its stubborn refusal to yield to your intention?  There comes a time in a wise person’s life when the pain and suffering that they have endured to stand by something has exhausted them to the point of heartbreak…a time when they are disillusioned, disappointed, disheartened and discouraged beyond belief…perhaps a time when this something has caused them to feel that people are inherently flawed…

This would signify the time to ‘Stand Down’.  In my opinion ‘Stand Down’ does not mean to give up, instead it means to detach and quell the emotional reactivity of a situation.  Sometimes things have to become worse before they can improve and actually the seeming appearance of ‘worse’ is really good at work… in disguise.

When you are sure that you have done all you can in regards to a particular situation it may be the time to ‘Stand Down’---you will know in your heart of hearts when you have prayed enough, been angry enough, been disappointed enough, been lied to enough, been played enough, been betrayed enough, cried enough, talked enough, yelled enough and worked hard enough.  All of a sudden one day you will wake up and feel that it is time to ‘Stand Down’, time to move away from the attachment of that situation…time to let the other characters see the cost of their behavior…time for you to re-group and remember that there is occasionally more power in ‘Standing Down’ than there is in continuing to ‘Stand Up and Fight’.

Some of the best warriors and most brilliant minds have seen the wisdom in a ‘Stand Down’.  Even those of us that are strong-willed, control freaks can see the value of an occasional ‘Stand Down’.  There are times when it is better to withdraw than to compete with things that are beneath you.

To ‘Stand Down’ when necessary does not mean that you are weak or that you lack the courage to keep fighting, it means that you are able to see the point in a situation when it is time for you to pull in and observe.  When it is time to stop pushing so hard and just let nature take its course.  When you have done all your work in a particular situation you can trust that the overall outcome will be for the good, even if the present circumstances resemble a giant garbage dump.

Life has a way of teaching people what they need to know…and you can count on people’s actions returning to them in kind...

If someone loves, they will be loved.  If someone harms, they will be harmed.  There is no avoiding the cause and effect laws of the universe, no matter who you think you are.

So take heed and if you are faced with a situation that requires it, ‘Stand Down’ with style and Grace…